Im tired, I have a cracking headache and no motivation. I cant concentrate on anything. When I left this morning stu was in bed because he hadnt been paid and i had to give him money for the bus again. I hope he is ok. I hope he got to work ok and didnt fall asleep. time is going very slowly. i want to go home and cuddle up on the sofa. I have to go to my cousins after work to pick up some black trousers for stu to borrow for this wedding do tomorrow. I have been asked to go out tonight. all my friends are going to town because they are all off to uni soon, but i really cant be arsed being sociable, at the same time it might be the last time i see some of them. Its gloomy outside and its starting to get cold. my headache has spread to the backs of my eyes. No matter how good things are going I always find something to worry about. I hope stu doesnt change his mind about me. Im madly in love but scared to loose what i have, so sometimes i get sad rather than enjoying it. I can see what im doing wrong but can never quite fix it. i always find a way of screwing things up. Things seem to be going ok, so im waiting in anticipation for the next thing to go wrong, just because i cant beleive that good things can just happen to me like this. im completely neurotic. sometimes i just want the reassurance. i desperately want everything to work out, which is sometimes why it goes wrong. Everything seems ok when Im in his arms. Sometimes I wish i could just float away, staying in his arms forever. I hate that everything revolves around money. But I think love can solve a lot of things, most things, everything.